chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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