Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
