dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
