Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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