So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
