WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
