Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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