thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
