his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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