I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
