Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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