I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
