can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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