That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize