I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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