She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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