I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
