I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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