I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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