my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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