Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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