Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
