It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
