I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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