I can tuck mytits in my pants
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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