i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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