I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
