oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
