proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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