Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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