i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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