Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize