I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize