So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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