my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
