I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize