I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
