Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
