Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize