is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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