We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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