I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
