I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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