She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
