Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
