Already got asked if we're dating
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
