About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
