every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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