I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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