dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
