if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
