im about as happy as oj after his trial
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
