There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
