i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
