I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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