just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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