Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
