no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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