I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
