Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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