I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
