I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
