Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just had sex on a roof
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
