nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
