I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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