I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You pole danced in your parka.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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