I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
