good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sober January is a disaster.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
