He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
