If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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